I wish I could imbed the Official video...
I'm sorry.Truthfully, I don't think I've ever had PMS, or it was so long ago that I don't remember what it is like. This is logical considering I don't menstruate and my progesterone levels have proven to be low. However, this doesn't get me off the hook. This means is that I can't blame any of my bitchiness on PMS. No scapegoat for me. Yep. I can be a bitch. For no reason at all (I'm sure I feel like there is a good reason at the time, but there usually isn't).
I'm sorry about doubting the power of hormones and subsequently PMS. Whoa! I've been humbled during the infertility process and I am in awe at how intricate and amazing the human body is and what a delicate system it is. One deficient chemical and the whole baby making process fails. I am in awe yet again.Lemme splain.
After the IUI, Dr. K. put me on 200mg Prometrium twice a day to keep my lining thick for implantation. Progesterone is an enigma...or maybe snake oil. Take your pick. I've read that it causes cancer, prevents cancer, treats menopause, initiates menses, prevents miscarriage, controls PCOS, clears skin, treats migraines as well as PMS. Some people have a wonderful time on progesterone. It increases their sex drive, helps them sleep, improves their mood, etc. However, progesterone has a dark side for some people... irritability, bloating, depression, dizziness, shortness of breath, headaches, anxiety, and on and on and on....
I've reached a whole new level of crazy with Prometrium. The dose may be higher than what an average woman produces, but nonetheless I feel like I have some serious roid rage of the Incredible Hulk variety. Throwing the fridge off the balcony kind of crazy.
Thankfully I am aware of it and don't act on theses urges, but it is incredibly frustrating to be so angry for no apparent reason. Poor Ryan. I've found I start to feel better when I talk it out, but I'm sure my rants are not fun for the listener. I try to keep myself in check and if I feel the hot rage bubbling up I try to keep my mouth shut and seek some solitude. Sometimes I think the self isolation makes the frustration even worse, but I don't know which is better.If it turns out I am pregnant (test is this Sunday) I am supposed to keep taking progesterone for 8 more weeks! I don't know if I can handle 8 more weeks of crazy, so I called Dr. K. If I am pregnant we will reevaluate my natural progesterone levels and hopefully reduce the dose...if we can.
You might want to include Ryan's survival in your prayers for us.
Do you think Ryan would get me a Great Sword for Valentines Day?
I will not consider getting you a great sword until you are off the progesterone and it's out of your system. I don't want to end up like that little piggy.
ReplyDeleteBut babe...I'd only use it to pop balloons! Promise. ;)
ReplyDeleteHa ha.
ReplyDeleteI am keeping everything crossed that you are pregnant!! Because pregnant and raging is one thing, but not pregnant and raging is the final layer in hell I am sure!
ReplyDeleteI can tell you I was on the verge of hulking out due to progesterone 4 days before beta and I nearly picked up my car and threw it across the parking lot when I found out I wasn't pregnant after all of that misery. The subsequent depressions post rage was enough that I actually contemplated duct taping myself to my bed to prevent myself from crawling underneath it and curling up into fetal position while babbling for a month.
Please please let there be a sticky healthy baby in there for you!