Strike Three

*Sigh*

I've had a hard time getting up the energy to blog about this again, but I guess I want to document my journey. Maybe one day in the future (hopefully with a baby in my arms), I'll be able to look back and say, "Whew, I'm sure glad that's over. It was worth it, but man that was a bumpy ride."

Here's the skinny....

Since I responded almost too well to 75 IU of Follistim last round, Dr. K. had me start with 50 IU this round. 3 days and an ultrasound later, I had produced a lot of little follicles, but none of them were nearly the size they should have been. Dr. K. bumped the dose up to 75 IU for 2 days with an ultrasound to follow. *grumble* Now the ultrasound showed a lot of medium sized follicles, but none had "taken the lead" or were big enough to ovulate yet. So Dr. K. had me do 2 more days with 75 IU with another ultrasound to follow.

The next ultrasound showed I had a lot of large-ish follicles, but none were quite ready to ovulate again! Dr. K. decreased my Follistim dose to 37.5 IU for two days with an ultrasound to follow in hopes that a few of the follicles would finally be ready to ovulate.

By this time I could really feel it. By it I mean it was painful. It felt like someone had sucker punched me in the ovaries. Essentially they were like expanding balloons, stretching tighter and tighter. It hurt to run, it hurt to stretch, I was bloated, had diarrhea, nausea and the beginnings of a nasty headache that would last a week. Remember OHSS? I pretty much had mild/moderate symptoms of OHSS and it sucked big time.

Back at Dr. K's office I had not one, two, three, even four follicles taking the lead, I had a lot of huge-ish follicles that could potentially ovulate. I think he counted 4 follicles that would definitely ovulate and 6 more that might ovulate. Dr. K. filled us in on the potential risks (multiples) with proceeding with the IUI and gave us the option of abstaining this round. It felt like such a waste to sit this one out. A waste of money, time, and discomfort if we didn't do it. I didn't want my suffering to have been for nothing...I wanted to go for it. Theoretically we had 3-4 eggs last time that didn't "take"...maybe we would be increasing our odds.


To spare me some of the rage, Dr. K. cut my progesterone dose in half for the first five days. Ryan and I were sneaky and took a short trip to Durango to visit my sister and her family. I totally expected to feel a little bit of rage while I was there and even worried I might get short tempered with my niece and nephews, but I didn't.

Sadly, my progesterone levels after 5 days weren't high enough so Dr. K. bumped me back up to 200mg Progesterone twice a day. I expected to Hulk out on the higher dose, but I didn't. I actually felt pretty good, normal even. My ovaries weren't hurting any more, I wasn't bloated or nauseous, and my headache was gone. Finally!

As you can tell from the picture above, I took the pregnancy test on 2/22 and it was negative. WTF is an understatement. Are my eggs bad? Is my lining healthy? What is going on? Do I have a hostile uterus? I want some answers. We had felt really good about this round since I had so many follicles and didn't Hulk out. It was really hard seeing the result come back negative for a third time.

Tomorrow I am trying acupuncture for infertility. There are currently several research studies going on that have shown some favorable results. Maybe when East meets West I'll get lucky.

Rinse, Repeat

Crazy

I wish I could imbed the Official video...

Truthfully, I don't think I've ever had PMS, or it was so long ago that I don't remember what it is like. This is logical considering I don't menstruate and my progesterone levels have proven to be low. However, this doesn't get me off the hook. This means is that I can't blame any of my bitchiness on PMS. No scapegoat for me. Yep. I can be a bitch. For no reason at all (I'm sure I feel like there is a good reason at the time, but there usually isn't).

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry about doubting the power of hormones and subsequently PMS. Whoa! I've been humbled during the infertility process and I am in awe at how intricate and amazing the human body is and what a delicate system it is. One deficient chemical and the whole baby making process fails. I am in awe yet again.

Lemme splain.

After the IUI, Dr. K. put me on 200mg Prometrium twice a day to keep my lining thick for implantation. Progesterone is an enigma...or maybe snake oil. Take your pick. I've read that it causes cancer, prevents cancer, treats menopause, initiates menses, prevents miscarriage, controls PCOS, clears skin, treats migraines as well as PMS. Some people have a wonderful time on progesterone. It increases their sex drive, helps them sleep, improves their mood, etc. However, progesterone has a dark side for some people... irritability, bloating, depression, dizziness, shortness of breath, headaches, anxiety, and on and on and on....

I've reached a whole new level of crazy with Prometrium. The dose may be higher than what an average woman produces, but nonetheless I feel like I have some serious roid rage of the Incredible Hulk variety. Throwing the fridge off the balcony kind of crazy.

Thankfully I am aware of it and don't act on theses urges, but it is incredibly frustrating to be so angry for no apparent reason. Poor Ryan. I've found I start to feel better when I talk it out, but I'm sure my rants are not fun for the listener. I try to keep myself in check and if I feel the hot rage bubbling up I try to keep my mouth shut and seek some solitude. Sometimes I think the self isolation makes the frustration even worse, but I don't know which is better.

If it turns out I am pregnant (test is this Sunday) I am supposed to keep taking progesterone for 8 more weeks! I don't know if I can handle 8 more weeks of crazy, so I called Dr. K. If I am pregnant we will reevaluate my natural progesterone levels and hopefully reduce the dose...if we can.

You might want to include Ryan's survival in your prayers for us.

Do you think Ryan would get me a Great Sword for Valentines Day?

Beautiful Sunday

Hey, hey, hey it's a beautiful day...

The ultrasounds this morning looked promising with one follicle at 20mm, two at 16mm, and another at 15mm (we want them bigger than 14mm). My blood test showed that I'm not "surging" which means I'm not ovulating on my own. My estrogen levels are good, but for what ever reason my progesterone and LH are still low. This is probably why we have fertility problems. Maybe I'm able to create follicles, but I don't surge. My lining is 12-14mm (we want at least 7mm). It's nice and luxurious...perfect for a little blastocyst to snuggle down into. :)



Instead of my daily injections, tonight at 10:30pm I inject HCG to make me surge. Our IUI is scheduled for 9:30am Sunday morning!

Keep crossing your fingers, sending energy, and saying prayers!

If at First You Don't Succeed...

We are trying again.

Since my previous round of Clomid and IUI didn't succeed and I had significant visual side effects, I can't continue to take Clomid. Following an ultrasound which showed a lot of small follicles and a blood draw for my estrogen levels, Dr. K prescribed Follistim. Things looked pretty good so Dr. K gave me to "go ahead" to start daily Follistim injections at a low dose of 75 IU. The injections really aren't bad. The sticker shock of $600 for two vials was MUCH worse.

After 3 days I went back in for another blood draw to check my estrogen levels. Too high, too high! Dr. K explained that women with PCOS have a very narrow therapeutic range with FSH injections and even a small amount can over stimulate the ovaries. If they are over stimulated the chances of becoming another octomom go up and so does the risk for Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS)...which can be, but is rarely deadly. Yikes. We toned it down a notch and he had me reduce my injection amount to 37.5 IU each day for the next two days.

Today I went back for another ultrasound and estrogen level check. What we want to see are a few big follicles instead of a lot of little follicles. Yay! I have 2 follicles that are right where we want them and 2 more that are nearly there. That means I possibly have 4 follicles...or eggs (if they all release) that could fertilize and implant. Exciting! Although I DON'T want quadruplets or even triplets, it is exciting to know that my ovaries are doing what they are supposed to be doing! I have hope for this round. Honestly, with the last round I wasn't too hopeful since my lining was so thin, but this time I have 4 follicles AND my lining is thicker!

For the next 2 days I continue with the 37.5 IU injections and go back in for another blood draw and/or ultrasound on Friday. If things still look good then I will inject HCG to create a LH surge and do the IUI on Sunday! Looks like I might have enough Follistim for another round at this low dose. I wonder what the shelf life is if this round works. Hmmm....

Keep your fingers, toes, and eyes crossed! Say your prayers and send your energy!

Please and THANK YOU!

Don't Stop Belizing!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know this is a little late coming, but I guess I wanted to brag a little bit about our Thanksgiving vacation to Belize.

We put fertility treatments on hold and took a precious two week vacation that was long overdue. I have been bugging Ryan for the last year to travel or go backpacking but apartment managing makes it tough (nearly impossible) to go anywhere.

We met up with my sister Erin, her husband Dave, and my mom and step-dad Richard in San Pedro on Ambergris Caye. San Pedro is small...very small...verging on tiny. So it was a little funny when we got off the boat to find taxis lined up offering to drive us 2 blocks to the airport, hotel, or store. I'm not so lazy that I can't walk a little. At first it was annoying, but then I started to feel sorry for them...awful actually. I don't know if any of you suffer from this, but I have this unnatural sense of guilt when I feel others are struggling. I could probably go broke from panhandlers, tipping waiters, etc. We spent the next few days scuba diving, hitting the karoke bar and stuffing our faces with lobster quesadillas, tortillas and coconut shakes.

Sunrise

Catching a few more z's before hopping on the dive boat

I love Ricky's hat

Sharks, RN!

The Blue Hole

Notice all the coconut shakes?

I forgot the name of this game, but essentially if the chicken poops on your number you win!
If you shake the chicken and blow on it's bum helps make it poop...so they say.

Our next stop was San Ignacio to visit the ATM cave where ancient Mayan offered food and human sacrifices. Then it started to rain. And rain. According to the locals it was a mild rain, but to this Utah native it was a downpour! All of the rain made it too dangerous to go into the cave since it is a "wet" cave where you have to swim in many spots. Boo! We hedged our bets hoping that the rain would stop within the next few days so we could venture into the cave. While the rest of my family took a bus across the border to Tikal (Guatemala), Ryan and I visited a near-ish dry cave with Mayan artifacts. We were hoping to do some cave tubing, but those caves were flooded too. Instead we headed to a cenote for a swim (Ryan) in the roiling brown water.

Mmmm! Termites taste like carrots!

The rain didn't stop, so we all pitched in and rented a car which cost about the same as all of us paying for bus fare and would give us more freedom. We drove nearly all the way back to Belize City to go zip-lining. It was so much fun flying through the trees. I wish L.A. offered zip-lining as a form of alternate transportation.

Rio Frio Cave

Rio on Pools

The rain lightened, but it didn't stop. We took the car for another day and drove to some waterfalls, swam at Rio on Pools (my favorite), and hiked through Rio on Frio cave. The rain had pretty much stopped, but my family was scheduled to leave the next day and it looked like we wouldn't be able to see the caves. Boo! As luck would have it one of the tour operators did a special 6am tour into the caves just for us! The water was still high so we had to do a lot of swimming. The cave was better than I remembered.

The Crystal Maiden

We made it out of the caves with time to spare to have lunch before saying our good-byes. Ryan and I headed back to San Ignacio and visited the Iguana zoo. Some locals have a taste for iguana eggs and meat and the population has suffered. This zoo breads them and introduces them into the wild.



The following day we took the bus to Placencia, a small beach town on a peninsula in the south. We did a couple more dives and spent Thanksgiving and the rest of our trip lounging around on the beach, eating loads of tortillas, gellato and lobster. Our dive master took us lobster fishing and cooked us up tasty curry lobster quesadillas. Mmmm...

This is me

FAIL

Intrigued by the infertility process? Want to better understand what we are going through? I found a blog written by a woman going through the same process. She does a fantastic job explaining all of the details and how technical it can be. Check it out here.