The Waiting Game

I've been anxious to update with baby news. My repeat test showed that my hcg levels were more than doubling and my progesterone also looked good.

*sigh*

What a relief!

Since then, I've been waiting on pins and needles (literally and figuratively), comparing myself to all the pregnancy "norms". Doing some freaking out here and there if I don't have any symptoms, but then reassured by friends and their experiences. I know everyone's pregnancy is different, but I'd like to be in the "normal" category.

Our first ultrasound is on Thursday and it can't come soon enough. I want more assurance that there really is a baby growing in there...this time with a heartbeat!

According to Dr. K, I could have gone in last week and had my 1st ultrasound to see the heart beat. Even though I'm pretty certain that I am between 6 and 7 weeks, I didn't want to get an ultrasound prematurely and not see a heartbeat. That would send me spiraling out of control on the "Oh No!" and "What If" train.

4 days ago I started to feel the onset of morning sickness. Yahoo! Bleh! (I was getting worried because many women start having it a week or two earlier). I haven't actually tossed my cookies yet, but it's gradually getting worse. It doesn't seem to have any rhyme or reason to it. It can be 3am, 10am, 3pm or just before bed when I feel it. My least favorite is waking up at 3am sick to my stomach. Lack of sleep on top of feeling gross! Saltines seem to the best solution so far, but I have many other recommendations to try out still.

Ryan downloaded a couple of hypnotherapy Mp3's and they seem to work...probably because I fall asleep half way through them. I don't know how that is going to help at work ...it's not like I can lie down and listen to a soothing voice for 45 minutes. :/

Tonight we are trying out a class called, "Managing Discomforts Through Hypnosis." Supposedly it will teach us life long skills to manage stress, pain, nausea, low energy and insomnia. I hope it works! Judging by the successes I've had with alternative medicine, it should!

I recently traded services with my friend Jackie. She is getting married in a few short days and I sewed a few leggings for her brides maids. In return, she has offered to do some additional hypnotherapy with me! She wants me to think about what I want to focus on/address during our session. So many choices! Pregnancy related? Stress related? General well-being? Meditation/affirmations? Anxiety disorder related?

I guess I'll let you in on a little secret that is still taboo to talk about in this day and age. I have an anxiety/depressive disorder and take Zoloft to help me cope with social anxiety, my need to be perfect, and make perfect decisions at all times. Since I found out I am pregnant I've stopped taking Zoloft right away. Studies show that it can cause pulmonary hypertension if taken during the 3rd trimester. I don't want to risk anything by waiting until the 3rd trimester to stop taking Zoloft. The anxiety/depression department has been fairly well behaved since I've stopped taking my meds. I've had a few meltdowns and lash-outs, but it could also be hormonal. I'm learning that I tend to lash out when I have trouble communicating my thoughts and emotions.

Maybe I should focus on peaceful communication in my session with Jackie. I'm sure Ryan would appreciate it. What do you think I should focus on?

Other than that I've been thirsty, exhausted and out of breath. All of which I think are normal. Right?

Things I look forward to:
1st ultrasound
Tender boobies (more assurance that things are going in the right direction)

Things I don't look forward to:
Cooking and washing dishes (Oh the smell!)

Honestly smells haven't been that bad, but enough to keep me away from cooking.