Yay! I'm past my first trimester. I guess I can officially let the cat out of the bag...I'm pregnant! ;)
Tuesday I had another ultrasound. I was nervous and excited, and it ended up being wonderful and amazing.
I was in awe, how in a few short weeks our child went from looking like some sort of alien puppy thing, to an actual baby with an adorable little profile. I couldn't stop myself from laughing when I saw the baby yawn (or take a drink of amniotic fluid). I'm falling deeper and deeper in love with this little peanut. I wish I could watch him/her every day. I can't wait until our next ultrasound at 17 weeks!
Things have been rough for me mentally and emotionally since I am not taking my anti-anxiety/anti-depressants while I'm pregnant. I feel myself slipping deeper and deeper and it gets harder and harder to find ways to cope, or even remain aware of what the situation really is. Sometimes I feel like I am drowning. I don't like feeling this way, and I start to worry that the chemical imbalance within my body/brain are negatively affecting my growing child. How does depression and anxiety affect a growing fetus? These thoughts then lead to thoughts of whether I'll be able to stay off of meds long enough to breastfeed for a decent amount of time...and if I can't does that mean I have failed? If I don't get a handle on my mental and emotional health quickly after the birth I worry that I will end up being a total train wreck. I'm scared I won't be able to cope with the stress of being a new mom, even though I have been wanting this since I can remember. I don't want to mess this kid up. I don't want to give it any of my baggage...only love and happiness.
Watching the video of our last ultrasound reminds me that despite all of the fear and stress, this little bean is worth it. My heart melts every time I see that profile.
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So exciting! I totally remember feeling exactly what you're feeling. It is an incredible journey. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteJ -I know soooooooo many women who stay on meds during pregnancy-most seem to switch over to lower doses but they all have perfect, beautiful healthy babies-and those kiddies who are older now are starting school and are just as brilliant as everyone else in their class! Lets face it-even blissful first time pregnancies when you've never experienced loss or struggle to get their-are friggin stressful.
ReplyDeleteDon't you dare beat yourself up for even 1 second about how you are feeling! Your brain is an essential functioning organ that needs the right chemistry for both you and your growing little one-everything is there on that little one now, perhaps maybe it might be time to talk with your OB about going back on some meds so that you are able to start really truly enjoying the miracle you've got going on inside there??
Sending lots of love to you both!
xoxox
Acupuncture for depression- can be done while pregnant!
ReplyDeletesuper big congrats. you guys are gonna be bomb parents!
ReplyDeletexo
kylie